Andy Murray wins Wimbledon
Photo credit: Jack Lawson
Martin Kimber on what losing Scotland would mean for British sport
The Scottish referendum has been on the minds of millions recently, and as the date encroaches, the people of Surrey and indeed England are worrying about losing some of our brightest Scottish sporting talents.
If sentries do suddenly appear back on Hadrian’s Wall, and it returns to its old designation as an English-repellent, what are we going to do about our obvious lack in sporting talent?
In recent years, the English have tried to claim Andy Murray as their own, and apart from cramming him into an Rooney football shirt and a can of Stella into his fist, they’ve pretty much succeeded.
According to reports he now enjoys an easy life in the leafy Esher area. England hasn’t had a tennis-star since Henman (and even that’s stretching the truth a little), and if Scotland vote for independence, we’re not going to have our Scottish foster son either "If Scotland became independent, then I imagine I would be playing for Scotland," he said at the US Open last week.
This will result in us reverting to bad habits of hosting Wimbledon, but embarrassing ourselves while better-motivated players from other countries beat down whatever canon-fodder we send onto the court. Something that hasn’t happened since Murray started.
Alan Wells MBE, British-Scottish former Olympic gold medallist, has decided we’re better together because the up and coming Scottish sport elite won’t be able to play with “the best in Britain”. Well, thank you for your optimism, Mr Wells, we greatly appreciate your faith in England’s sporting prowess, but I wouldn’t worry too much.
Alan won gold for his 100m sprint in Moscow in 1980, but since then it’s fair to say things have changed. The only reason any Englishman sprints anywhere these days is either because he’s blind drunk and wants a kebab, is late for the bus that is already 15 minutes delayed, or the ex is talking to the bouncer outside.
If we lose Scotland now, there’s a good chance Great Britain may never win a medal for running again. Unless we can somehow claim Usain Bolt as British like we did Pietersen; he was South-African, and we roped him in no problem.
Anyway, one Oxshott resident is voting no in the referendum, and his name is Colin Montgomerie, the former Ryder-cup winning golf captain. He’s decided “Going independent would cost everyone a lot of money in Scotland. Who’ll pay for it? The taxpayer and that’s me and I don’t want it.” Good-a-reason as any there, Colin.
Of course the most important thing about all these Scottish sport celebrities leaving our quiet corner of the Kingdom to return home isn’t sporting achievement.
All of our houses aren’t going to be worth diddly-squat unless the estate agents can persuade you that you’ll be flipping burgers on the BBQ in the back garden with your new next door neighbour, Andy Nicol. And with the yes-vote gaining more and traction, I think the only feasible answer is to move to Edinburgh; it’s the new Surrey.
